I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
