It was confusing and full of hummus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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