fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
