yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
