please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
