I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
