I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize