hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
