You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
