shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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