I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
