the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the day after is always just damage control
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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