I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
