Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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