hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
