I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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