Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
