Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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