i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
