I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude i'm inner monologue high
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize