I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
