So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He shit in the fireplace
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
