He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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