Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize