I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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