I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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