hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
