Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
