I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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