do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
