Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
