You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize