While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
