Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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