Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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