My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
