xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
