dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize