I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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