Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
