When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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