This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
