I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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