bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
