I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its about making memories worth repressing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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