oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize