I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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