Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
