We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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