he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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