I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize