Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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