I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
