Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
