Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
