I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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