I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
