I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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