we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
