The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
