I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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