why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
