So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
