my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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