we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to make out with him forever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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