chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize