he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
