I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
