she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
